California is dealing with a major drought right now. It hasn't rained in like 3 years. (which is good for me because the window wipers on my car don't work) But its bad for the farmers who now have to use up the ground water to water their crops so people can eat a fuck ton of almonds.
So I figured I'd write a a semi-serious list of things you can do to help the environment and the human race. Most of these are common knowledge, but its a friendly reminder for what you can do to better humanity!
#1 - Dont have any kids, or if you do, just have 1 or 2.
Our population is out of control. Just chill out. I would write more details about how to not sperm in the opposite sex, but I'm pretty sure my Mom reads this blog.
#2 - Dont use the "self check out" at the Grocery store.
They may be more convenient, but the more people use them, the less the "Human" employees are needed. Which will eventually cause people to lose their jobs, which makes more lazy fuckers on welfare. Corporations love it when you do all the work, so they can pay less people. So take the extra 2 minutes and say hello to the half drunk, wig wearing employee asking you to enter in your "Savings Club" number. Plus they are always pretty cool about giving you a roll of quarters for doing laundry.
#3 - Don't take showers on Sundays.
Sometimes I do this. Unless I have a show. But its pretty common for the people of Santa Monica to see me walking around dirty in my pajamas at 4pm on a Sunday. It saves water .. and hairspray. And nobody seems to notice at the IHOP.
#4 - Pick up litter
For most people this is a no-brainer. Dont Litter. But most of the Mexicans near my work haven't figured out that you cant just have a picnic lunch on the sidewalk and leave all the wrappers when your done. I feel like I have to walk down the sidewalk with a bus tub just to clean up after them. This isn't Mexico City people, its L.A. We don't litter, we pollute the earth with bad television.
#5 - Ride your bike
If you got the time, ride your bike. Just make sure you get a bike lock, because half the time its like "The Purge" out there on the streets and the low lifes would love to get their hands on a pretty new beach cruiser.
#6 - Ignore "Street Art" aka Graffiti
I'm not sure what part of the population is supporting the "tagging" of street signs and alleyways, but its pretty ridiculous. Its usually some sort of weird word that makes no sense written on a slab of cement, and then the business owner paints over it, and then some idiot sprays it on there again. If your gonna vandalize something, stick to toilet seats.... at your own house. If you think advertisements before Youtube videos are annoying, this "street art" is even worse.
#7 - Support local business's, shows, play's, and community events.
If your friend opens a cupcake shop, go buy some cupcakes. If your friend is in a play, go see the play. If your friend does stand up comedy, go see the show! Supporting people and small business's is better for everyone. Its easy to stay in the house watching Netflix all day or writing shitty posts for the 30 people in Belgium who go to your blog. (no offense guys). Its a pain in the ass getting off the couch, but at the end of the day most people say "I'm glad I went out tonight, it wasn't that bad." And if your single, you can see what the other people actually look like instead of their online photos.